Being Frustrated is Frustrating
So how do I get from feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and generally unhappy with myself and my life, to feeling fabulous?
I’m always telling my clients that I wish I had a magic pill that would heal all past pain and enable the deep personal transformation we’re all seeking. I’m working on it, but I’m not there yet. However, there are simple, practical, everyday things we can all do that will help us to feel far more fabulous.
Like everything that’s worth having in life, that fabulous feeling requires some active participation on our part. In short, we have to do something. That said, getting to fabulous doesn’t have to be hard work.
Step 1: Breathe, Release, Relax
10 minutes of mindful breathing sets us up for greater peace, poise, and purpose. Can it be that simple? Yes!
Andrew Weil, an American physician, says that diet and exercise not withstanding, if he could only give a single prescription to every patient he sees, it would be 10 minutes of daily conscious breathing.
How often do you take time to sit still and breathe, or even stand still and breathe, if you’re really that pushed for time? Give it a try. Sit down, and breathe; bringing ALL your awareness to your breath. Feel how it feels moving in and out of your nose or mouth. Notice how the breath moves through your body as you breathe in and out. Be still and breathe. Notice that as you breathe, fully and deeply, with conscious awareness, your shoulders drop, your body softens and your mind slows. Yo may even yawn, and that’s a good thing. Perhaps all these changes are tiny and subtle, but imaging how they would expand if you made this five minutes of breathing a practice every morning and every evening.
Taking a few moments to get centred everyday allows space in our life. Within this space you allow inspiration to whisper in your idea. Give it a try. You may be surprise how much a bit of conscious mindful breathing can change how you feel.
Step 2: Change the Chatter
“That voice inside your head is not the voice of God, it just sounds like it thinks it is.” ~ Cheri Huber
Is your life accompanied by an almost constant narrative from the voice in your head? Catastrophes, dramas, fears, judgements, criticisms, opinions about yourself and others; these are just some of the things my mind used to be busy with.
My favourite oft repeated ‘thought/narration’ would be, “Just who do you think you are young lady? You’re getting too big for your boots.” There were many others. Mostly hinged around not measuring up, or fitting in. Does any of this sound familiar?
Here’s the thing about that voice Cheri Huber refers to so accurately and eloquently: we don’t have to believe it. Gasp! No, really, we don’t have to believe it.
It’s difficult to silence the voice, for lots of reasons that are beyond this blog post, but we can hear it, and (rather than reacting to it) we can reply with compassion, “Thank you for sharing. I hear you. I know you are trying to keep me safe, and I’m grateful that you got me to this moment. Right now, we’re going in a new direction.” Then declare, out loud, whatever your new direction is.
Taking an example from my life: The voice in my head says, “You don’t have the knowledge to help this person. Who do you think you are? You’re a fake.”
I can believe it and get back under my ‘not enough‘ rock
OR say to myself:
“Thank you for sharing. I hear you. I know you are trying to keep me safe and prevent me from feeling shame and embarrassment. I’m grateful that you got me through all the things we’ve experienced, and to this moment. Right now, we’re going in a new direction. I know I am enough, and I trust my inner wisdom to guide me through this appointment.
Do you get the idea?
You are the only thinker in your mind. You can stay in the repeating pattern of letting your inner dialogue direct your life, or you can take the helm and start consciously, intentionally steering your own course.
To start with, this feels like and almost constant practice. But gradually, as your new course gets set in your mind, that voice inside your head starts to feel much less like a domineering God, and altogether more like the sensible voice of caution.
There are lots of different tools and techniques that can be used to change your inner chatter. Be willing and open to experiment with ways that work for you.
Step 3: Naturally Nourish Yourself
Nourishment is more that what you eat and drink. What do you do to nourish your body, mind, and soul?
To anchor the feeling of being fabulous, we need to treat ourselves fabulously. A vital part of that is how we nourish ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
BODY: When I used to eat fast food every other day I felt tired, sluggish, and lacking motivation. Eating healthy plant based whole food I feel light, inspired and excited to meet each day. That’s the eating plan that works best for me. What foods work best for you to give you great energy through the day?
MIND: We all have the same 86,400 seconds every day. Some of us read, listen to podcasts, watch educational or inspirational videos, and study new skills. Some of us watch reality TV, soap operas, and the daily news. We all have the same ability to choose, and the same amount of time available. If you want to feel fabulous about yourself more often, finding a balance in how we nourish our mind is critically important. What if you redirected one hour of TV into one hour of watching something, or reading something, that fills your mind and naturally nourishes you from the inside out? If you did that consistently through every week, how do you think you would feel after a month or two?
SOUL: What we allow into our energy field has a massive impact on how we feel about ourselves. How do you feel when you’ve spent time with people who are moaning, gossiping or complaining? How do you feel when you spend time with people who are excited, enthusiastic and motivated? So who do you choose to spend your time with?
What activities nourish your soul naturally? Almost everyday of the year my wife and I drive to the beach. Sometimes we sit in the car and watch the world go by. Sometimes we feed the crows, rooks, and jackdaws with peanuts and sunflower seeds. Sometimes we take little Colin, our miniature sausage dog, for a walk. What ever we do, or don’t do, that time fills me up. Perhaps listening to music, walking, or sharing time with people you love are your things. It doesn’t matter what it is, it matters that you make time, every day or at least every week, to nourish your soul in some way.
Step 4: Wriggle and Rest – the power of movement and sleep
For some, the very mention of ‘exercise’ brings up resistance. For others, you may put ‘exercise’ in the Soul Nourishing category. Either way, feeling fabulous can be richly supported by moving your body in ways that inspire you, and bring you joy. A friend of mine roller skates for her fun movement, I walk, nothing fancy or complicated, I just walk around the neighbourhood. Other folks I know do yoga, tai chi, dance, and I do know some people who love working out in the gym or running for miles. Once again, it doesn’t matter what you do, it matters that you do it regularly.
When it comes to rest and sleep, most of us live in a culture where working long hours and existing on minimum sleep carries a badge of honour. Don’t fall into that trap. Sleep deprivation is dangerous, to both our mental and physical health. If you want to feel fabulous, you need to get a good amount of quality sleep. I have written about how to get great sleep in my book, Igniting Success Beyond Beliefs, and I wrote the article a few years ago, that is as relevant as ever: http://www.julietvorster.com/sleeping-for-success.
Depending on how I’m eating and exercising I find I need different amounts of sleep. On average I need 7.5 hours to maintain my fabulous. What’s your ideal amount of sleep, and how do you achieve it?
Step 5: Create Clarity – get clear about your ‘Why’
I have recently discovered that losing sight of my ‘why’ left me struggling to feel fabulous. As the mental fog of menopause descended on me I found it increasingly difficult to remember things. That included losing sight of my passion and purpose. It has felt like I’ve been in a wilderness. Happily, with lots of help and support, I’m beginning to recover my marbles.
This experience has demonstrated to me, more than anything before, how important it is to get clear about why we do what we do, and where we want to go next. Unlike many coaches, I’m not a great fan of ‘goals’. I am a great fan of intentions.
Working with clients over all these years I have found that for many of us, failing to reach a goal is more detrimental that reaching one. We can reach goal after goal, but miss one, and our world collapses. Have you ever had that experience? It’s the same as getting 99 rave reviews and one miserable, slamming review. Which do you focus on? That’s why I prefer to set intentions. An intention has a more fluid feeling and we are better able to give ourselves permission to expand, adjust, or abandon an intention.
So what is your ‘why’? Do you have some intentions around how you want to spend your time every day? I’m guessing you have an intention about feeling more fabulous, or you wouldn’t still be reading this article. Do you have intentions about happiness, success, health, nutrition?
Do you have intentions about these 5 Steps to Fabulous?
If you don’t have any answers to these yet, don’t panic. You may never have thought about these things. Now you have a basic starting point. The outline of a map. Take some time to write down how you would like to feel everyday, how you would like to spend your time, who you want to be with.
If you want to feel more fabulous, you need to be willing to start making you your highest priority. Start now. Don’t be writing a cheque to disappointment. Start making deposits in your ‘bank of fabulous’ today.
My passion and purpose is enabling you to discover your fabulous and to ignite success beyond your beliefs. I’d love to hear your answers to the questions in this article, so email me, message me, let me know how I can best support you to your greatest yet to be.
Much love and many blessings,